I’m going to Church every Sunday. Church for me, right now, is in my own living room because I’m watching Church on TV.
You see, I am in the midst of Church-Follower crises. You might think I am judgmental. I’m supposed to love others, realizing we all sin and forgive others.
I am a sinner. I will be the first one to admit my flaws. Well, that may not be true, sometimes; it takes me awhile to admit my errors. Eventually, through reflection and prayer, the Lord helps me and guides me through the admission, repentance and forgiveness process; praise Jesus for His amazing Grace.
So, what’s the problem? The problem is ME. Believe me when I say I have prayed and read and contemplated this mind set.
My hubby and I have moved quite a bit in our life-time. We’ve lived in four different states and gone to church in each town. I don’t want to discredit any one Church or any person. I am reliving this Christian process of mine while trying to understand my current state of flux.
One Church secretary called me at home and stated we were in the wrong Church – she told us to go to the Church across the Highway. It seems this Church had parish boundaries.
One Church was dying literally. The Church was in a small town just celebrating its 50th anniversary. The first families of this Church were dying and the members would shadow any new persons entering the Church. The attendees were under the impression they were being welcoming but if you met these attendees in a local Store they would ask why you weren’t in Church on Sunday or why you were no longer attending. It felt more like an attack than a welcome.
One Church was so into volunteering that they literally sucked dry any person who volunteered. You were then “on the list” and called for every ministry ever imagined. Honestly, no was not an option.
Several of the Churches we’ve attended over the last forty-two years of marriage had a Minister crisis. One of minister split the Church with his personal issues and other Minister’s had burn-out which literally split the Church or even closed the Church.
We’ve all read about Minister giving up – burn-out at an all time high. Ministers must delegate otherwise their passion for the Lord slowly seeps out. These Ministers find themselves breaking down under the pressure of working the everyday issues of the Church. Instead of ministering to the people they find themselves listening to members argue about the Church’s next step. We must have volunteers to help on the different boards because it is imperative the minister and assistant Pastors reach out to their hurting parishioners. We must have volunteers but not the same volunteers over and over.
I try to understand this process of building a Church, ministering to others and trying to find the perfect balance of Ministry and Volunteering. But you see I am burned out too. I am tired! I am tired of trying to find a Church that doesn’t disintegrate with me along with it. I’ve given up.
Like Paul, I know what I need to do and don’t do it. I know what I need to show others but I hold back. I know I should shower love on others but I look away, again, I am a sinner.
I am sixty-three years old. I have raised my family in the Church, taught Church school, volunteered and tried to be Christ-spirited through all the ups and downs.
Oh Lord, I know others have life circumstances so much worse. I am not trying to be ungrateful. YOU have blessed my life in ways I never thought possible.
Lord, this crisis is has left a deep hole in my heart which only YOU can fill. Please fill me with the Holy Spirit. Give me wisdom and discernment. Lead me! Show me the next step and guide me towards the path you have for my life.